Purple Plums just one more helping.

Unapologetically Empathetic


I have read several articles online, many from HuffPost. And as I read them I am baffled as too why people jump into ‘Lynch Mob” mode in the comments section I’m talking comments like this “String her up in a tree and let her hang!”, “Death Penalty is too good for her!”, Then in the same sentence say something the fact of “I pray to god for the babies soul” Or “He is with Jesus now, rest precious Angel”

What the hell? How can people be so judgemental and religious at the same time? I honestly do not get it.

The article I read that prompted this post is this

The article clearly states that the woman in question, Latisha Fisher, was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia. She has a history of violent harmful incidents. She poured hot oil over a boyfriends head and chased an Aunt with a knife and taser. She should not have had that baby in her care unsupervised. She is a sick woman who needs help. She needed help and she fell through the societal cracks that is given custody of a child that those around her knew he was not in a safe environment.

That is the title of the article. I read it through HuffPost’s Facebook. I was reading through the comments and I was sickened. Religious people, claim the love their God, and love their Bible. But they also are vehemently called for violence towards Fisher. Christians, I ask you. Does your book not say

Matthew 7:1-3King James Version (KJV)

Judge not, that ye be not judged.

For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

Why is it that so many ignore that passage? I have struggled with wanting a relationship with god and being horrified what others whom I would lump myself into their group say and do to others. Christians. I also can not understand that God is supposed to be all loving, yet condemn and call for the murder of gay persons. But that is for another post entirely. How can these people go to church and then turn around and condemn another human being, fully knowing that the person they fling their hate towards is sick, that the person’s mind works against them and that it is something the person can not help. They did not choose to be sick. They would not choose to kill their baby. As a person who has struggled with mental health issues compounded with learning disabilities and an undiagnosis of Aspergers. I have empathy for Latisha Fisher. I am not sympathetic, I identify with the feeling that is knowing that I am not of total sound mind. Latisha Fisher can not help her Schizophrenia, I can not help what I have. I can try to mask it with meds, but it’s not as simple as just taking a pill and POOF, you’re better. It can take years to find the right medicine or even combinations of medicines. And even then, when your on meds, when you are stable, you think “Oh! I’m better, I don’t need that pill/s” and so you start on a downward spiral of being “Off your meds”. That is likely what Latisha went through.

People are unforgiving. They claim that you shouldn’t judge other and that mental health is a serious topic, but then event’s like that of Gavriel’s death brings out peoples ugly side. I guess I don’t understand how people can be so bipolar in their stances in topics like this.

I am, Unapologetically Empathetic.




Thirteen.  It has been Thirteen years since I woke up in my Gramma and Grampa’s to see a plane fly and crash into a building. It was as I would find out the second plane to hit those buildings. I woke up just in time to see people leaping to their fate. I was up north and all I wanted most was to hug my mom who wasn’t going to be up until later that afternoon. I knew my mom was fine, she wasn’t traveling. But I still wanted to be sure she was okay. I needed to see her in the flesh. It seems silly now, but then it was real. The anxiety was real. 

As I watched September 11th unfold you become acutely aware of life in general. You put your self in those peoples shoes.  The people watching from the streets, the people trapped, the people in the busted out windows waving frantically hoping that some one would see, to send help. Help that would never come. And finally to the fallers. To be in such a state knowing what your fate would be. Do you stay and hope you succumb to the smoke before the flames reach you. Or do you leap, knowing upon impact that you would die. You had no chance. I can honestly say I don’t know what I would do. My biggest fear is to burn. But would I be brave enough to jump? Would I be able to face the thoughts that would inevitably go through my mind d as I fall? And you would have to be just that. Brave. I can only imagine what went through everyone’s minds. That is all I can do. Imagine.

I want to explain why I am posting this a day late. I injured my back a week ago. I have been on muscle relaxes for 3 days. I slept through the anniversary.

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Stability? Yes, Please!

I will be the first to say that I Amanda N D, sucks at taking meds.
 However, in hopes of stabilizing my moods and sleep schedule, which for those who know me… I have no sleep schedule. I’m hoping to… well stabilize my life… somewhat. I always miss doses, and to be completely honest with you, I go days at a time without taking anything. Thankfully I take no Life depending meds, only ones that make my and those around me, much more comfortable.
When I get a migraine, it’s my bodies way of saying, ” Hey dummy, take your meds.”
I found a Uber cool app… DoseCast…
not my Dosecast. Stock Example.
it will remind me to take what I need, when I needed and how much I need. It will even nag me every 5 minutes until I hit TAKEN Super excited to use this. When I get the money, I plan on spending the $3.99 to get the premium full app.
Here’s to a STABLE me 

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Dr. Scholl’s Voxbox… VoxEnvelope!


Dr. Scholl’s Active Series Insoles


So I have been walking in my Dr Scholl’s Insoles for a week and I have mixed feelings…


Well here, first let me tell you what they do.



  • Reduces shock by 40%
  • Designed with Triple Zone Protection for your ball of foot, arch, and heel
  • Helps relieve and prevent pain from shin splints, runner’s knee and plantar fasciitis
  • Helps reduce foot odor with SweatMax™ technology


Great right?

Let me tell you that for 5 years I have been using  Spenco Q Factor Complete Support insoles. They are not cheap. I think I paid $38-$40 for them. That is almost double what I pay for a pair of shoes.


I have flat feet, and my feet tend to Over Pronate… Here are some photos and diagrams of what Over Pronation looks like Smile



In a standing position.


Walking or running foot falls.


So because of this my ankles roll outward. I got the Spenco’s because the woman at the shoe store said they would change my life by “Training” my foot to fall in a normal fashion. Well they did!

Now the Dr. Scholl’s no matter how comfortable they are… and they are very comfortable. The heel cup in the Active Series insole has a floppy/soft Heel cup Sad smile. There for I won’t be using them much. My Plantar Facsciitis is gone. My knees don’t bother me as much, but by the end of the day, my ankles really hurt Sad smile. Dr.Scholl’s if your listening, stick a ridged heel cup in the Active Series and I’ll use them! Because the AS insole are very comfy. The heel cup just doesn’t offer any support to my flat funky feet.


I have received this product complimentary from Influenster.

I’ve not shared before…


We all need it. Some more than others.



Depression and more, Yeah I’ve got it…


So some people know what I have been talking about, some don’t and I know if you’re human, you are probably curious as to what I have been going on about the last week or so. I have decided to share everything… well not everything, I’m going to keep some to my self., But for the most part, this is me. I also want to say I haven’t shared everything, because as soon as I tell people, I get “that” look, and those who are kind of like me, will understand what “that” look is. I don’t want to be treated different. I don’t want to hear that you are praying for me, only because I don’t know what I believe in. If you want to pray for me, fine. Just don’t tell me. If I get anything negative, which I’m hoping I won’t. I’ll probably unfriend (originally going to post to FB) you, as right now there is actually some positivity in my life, I don’t need negativity. Anyways, I’m going to copy and add to what I sent to a friend because I don’t want to forget anything or mix anything up.



It really does. Rejection is the worst feeling in the world.

When I was in 2nd grade I got my first label, learning disabled. When I was little it was reading and math, but I think, my reading level was so low, because I wasn’t interested in it. But by the time I was 16, I was reading at college level. But math has always given me trouble. It’s embarrassing but I’m 30 and have a 3rd grade math level… I can divide, but after that I just don’t get it… I don’t know why, but it just doesn’t stick. I also was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. Almost everyone knows what ADD/ADHD is, the H in ADD is just ADD with Hyperactivity slapped on. Now not many people know what ODD is. Many when they hear the definition, say “Oh well that is just a spoiled rotten kid” but no. This is ODD; Oppositional defiant disorder is a pattern of disobedient, hostile, and defiant behavior toward authority figures. Sound scary huh? Fun to be had then. I wasn’t the easiest kid to raise.  ODD literally means that I am Hard-Wired to not agree. If I seem argumentative to you, I am honestly trying not to be. I was in in out of psychiatrist and psychologist offices from 2nd grade until now.


51655 jpg

No one ever said this to me, but this is what I imagine, people thought of me.

When I was 11 I was diagnosed as Bipolar. I was put on lithium, which I blame for my weight gain. I started gaining and with all the meds I have been on, continued gaining. I think had I not been put on sodium based meds, I would not be as big as I am now… I also around 13/14 when through a phase where I wouldn’t take my meds because I didn’t think I needed them… I do. When I’m not on them I am very moody and I have a really short fuse. Don’t irritate me. I also didn’t take them because they made me feel like I was on the inside looking out. My brain just was really foggy. It wasn’t a good time. From I got back on my meds at 20, Prozac for 6 years… it really didn’t do anything for me. Mom said it did, but I didn’t feel any different.



Going to side step a little here, I was bullied for being in special ed classes all my school career. When I was in 8th grade I had had enough and my mom home schooled me for a year, that didn’t work so I was able to go to Alternative Ed, aka School of choice… yeah then I just got lazy and stopped going and dropped out altogether. I was working though. I had a job a week after my 16th Birthday. I also babysat A LOT lol So I kept busy. I was 19 and decided I wanted to get back to school, but I did not want a GED. I always said that anyone can get a GED, I felt it was cheating. But in the Spring of 2008 I decided to get my GED, I got tutored for my wonderfully sucky math skills, after a afternoon of googling for Free GED Tutoring. Spent the Spring and Summer learning and trying to remember math. Fall came around and I was in GED classes. Took all the test by Christmas. was done. My experience at Mott is for another day… That is it’s own can of worms.


Just imagine this is you life EVERYday…

With all those diagnosis I just never felt “right”. Like something else was wrong. I was on SSI (basically disability for those who can’t work or qualify for disability)from age 6 when dr found out I had an Atrial Septal Defect. A hole in the Septal wall of my heart the size of a $.50 piece. When I was 18 I had to go in for a recertification. Social Security Administration wanted to make sure I still qualified for SSI. They sent me to a pop up office in downtown Flint across from a crack house, the man was at the very least 80 yrs old and was working in an office with no power and out of a cardboard filing cabinet. This man asked me my age no less then 10 times, and this man decided that I no longer needed SSI…. I’ve struggled since then to keep jobs and go to school… I’ve not worked for 7 years because of my erratic work history, no one will call me in for an interview let alone hire me.



My mom has been supporting me my whole life and I love her for it, but it’s not fair for her. I’m 30 yrs old and I still live with my mother. If she would decide tomorrow she was over it I would be on the streets, but she won’t. She is the best, most awesome person I know! I have since re applied for SSI and have been denied. I’m now in the appeals process. Yesterday morning I made a list of over 19 things whether they be cognitive(mental health , physical or developmental maladies that I have suffered from birth or have developed later in my teen’s and twenties… I’m a mess.



The last few months I have wondered if I was Autistic or had Asperger’s Syndrome, because it’s not that I don’t like people, or want friends… I just don’t have the desire to socialize. It’s sounds terrible, but I’ve always be quite content watching movies, reading or surfing the web by myself. I love having my immediate family around, but when I’m in public, or even round cousins or 2nd aunts, uncles or cousins I’m awkward. I never know what to say and there are many awkward pauses. So I tend to stay away from special functions. I’m happier just observing rather than participating. I want to say right now that if I seem like I am ignoring you, I’m not. I just feel that I have nothing to add to the conversation or am not sure what else to say.



I don’t know what is wrong with me… I only have Genesee Health Plan (county government health insurance) so I can’t have genetic testing done to see if there is something wrong on a chromosome level… Like I said I’m a hot mess, but Yesterday was a HUGE step in the right direction of getting me back on SSI and Medicaid. Now if only my attorney would call me back!!



Yesterday I basically put the list in front of my psychiatrist that I have seen 4 maybe 5 times (new dr) he said that between my back problems and my mental health problems, there is no way I can work. I can’t tell you how elated I felt when he said that, I have had doctors and therapist make me feel stupid, or that I was wasting their time. Finally someone has verified that I have known and felt all my life, and it’s awesome!

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